Exploring the addictions…

IMG_0995bafter a friend posted on facebook yesterday…. back track… this started before then…

I listened to the recording of the Mediumship session in Armidale that I zoomed up for in December, the night before last, and finished it yesterday morning.

(and hubby returns home)

The theme of the talk was that …

now I am just grumpy… being challenged is triggering something… but not the obvious… what is my feeling around asking for confirmation of something – having to interact with others?

The theme of the talk was how we dance around our fears and not actually embrace them, walk through them and realise they are not real – realise that they are not the truth so do not have to run our lives.

Personally, I learnt that I ping off each of my emotions that come up thinking, no, I don’t want to go there, what’s another one… then ping off that one, through my entire shopping list until I get back to the first and haven’t got anywhere with any of them.

I remember reflecting the next day on the zoom home, and partially yesterday after hearing the recording, how I find it really neat and impressive that I had a dialogue with the individual known as Archangel Michael, as well as a dialogue with Jesus, whom I have had a number of personal interactions with, and yet I take it for granted, or don’t really appreciate, the utter blessing I have to have the opportunity to talk to Jesus in person.

It is funny how our minds normalise things even as majestic and fantastic as the second coming of Jesus down to, oh yeah, he’s a bloke I know… got the most wisdom of anyone in the universe too, and I have spoken to him a couple of times…

So, after hearing the recording, and feeling inspired, I rustled up the courage to give it a go… allowing me to feel whatever is in me at the time. Now I will tell you how that worked for me…

What I noticed was that when I got up yesterday morning, I didn’t want to have my normal cuppa (black tea with nonfat milk). And I thought I’d like to try not having any meat or dairy (ie vegan) for a while.

The day before a friend had made a simple comment about her shopping list getting smaller, and one of the things not on it anymore was tea…

In the past when I have thought of “going vegan” or cutting out tea and/or alchohol what came up was always this indignation about having to “stop” what I wanted to do, and a resistance to that. This time, yesterday, and again today, I am noticing that instead I am more wanting to rid myself of behaviour that is controlling me – I want to be free of addictions.

So I am testing this… I went through yesterday feeling a bit hungry, and thought, I will just wait and see what comes of this, and then the hunger passed. Totally didn’t feel like having a cup of tea at all… although had a mild headache later in the day yesterday.

I was wondering if the absence of meat would allow emotions to come up more easily (and this is feeling like a good thing to me now – which is part of this shift in me), I think it is still too early to tell, but I did realise why I was bawling my eyes out at a cartoon I watched with my daughter last night – the expression of parents’ love for their child, and I felt how I missed out on that.

So, now, a day and a half into this, feeling hungry again (unsatisfied….. will go with that shortly) and a bit of a headache (the weather doesn’t help – hot as hell) and lots of loo trips! I do hope I can continue this for long enough to start feeling benefits beyond the intellectual exploration of it… I actually caught myself feeling excited before about the prospect of perhaps finally losing weight and getting fitter, something I have been punishing myself about for quite some time now.

Interesting that the scales are buggered though! I am actually enjoying the feeling of being hungry, or perhaps, not full…. maybe I can retrain my body to eat and drink that which I know is right for me. (Water, fruit, nuts and vegies, with the odd herb thrown in)

I just remembered something else, while I am at it… I have noticed in the past two weeks, since stopping contributing to any groups on the internet, that I am saying more honest stuff than I ever have… not in a harsh way, I just notice that I am speaking out more often than I ever have before.

Shift’s a comin’! All Good!!! And not a moment too soon! 🙂