Where I am now?

well this is funny, I just thought maybe I would start a blog, and come here and find I did so two years ago!

I am hesitant to start blogging, as I wonder at the megalomania of it, or is that narcissm? I also know I am quite an angry person, and don’t want to blast my anger out here.

However, what has prompted me to write here and now is that I have just in this minute realised that due to coming earth changes, I seem to have lost my motivation for change.

A lot of my motivation has been to fix my life as it isn’t very good… but if the world changes instead, then it won’t be as much of an issue…. who am I kidding! Here is me thinking all my issues are money related, but they are not…. it is just a symptom, a tool, designed to highlight my main issue. Which I am still not looking at.

Or am I? Am I just willfully ignoring what I know to be true. I know I am angry with the world. I know I want the world to fix it for me. I know I feel the world owes me. Is that it? Really?

And does it even matter? Why do I have such a need to label what I am feeling before I will allow myself to feel what I am feeling? What security does that give me? Perhaps I just need to feel it…. I keep being told that, and yet I remain unconvinced. Content to stay stuck in my fear.

hmmm…

now I am curious as to what I wrote two years ago – I wonder if I have changed much since then!

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