Don’t tell me how it is for me …

I am at the midway point of my group therapy and feeling pretty triggered.

What just happened was that someone said that the forum was a certain thing and I reacted to that. I feel angry… I feel scared… I am feeling that I am being told what my personal experience is. I know where I have heard that before (I feel it but don’t know the details). Now I am starting to sense and feel the grief of that.

(Don’t tell me what I feel, don’t tell me what to do)

A ton of fear around that because it is just sitting, in sight, but just out of reach.

(I also don’t want to explore what happened on Thursday)

Do I push through that or just let it be to come naturally?

I have been wanting to document my journey with the Journey, but I haven’t done it. I think it is because of the fear. (I will ask in my feedback to be given a course outline at the end of the program so I can go back and write about what happened from my perspective.)

On Thursday I had major reactions to the “ideal” woman principle – the strong woman who didn’t believe all the things I had been told as a child, and all the facets of her personality. I haven’t been able to connect to her at all and I am afraid to look at the why of that.

It all comes back to fear… two things Yeshua and Mary said directly to me, and another thing they said generally which I want to address was “Feel my fear”, “my lack of personal responsibility”, and the general thing was around living in my passions and desires – which I am afraid of because in the past, in my childhood, I was hurt very badly by spirits and mortals, when I was following my desires and passions.

Touching on the fear, and finding it challenging still to feel it fully, I feel I am in it up to my ankles, which is better than just dipping my toes in, but not as fully as being fully submerged in it….. hmm, maybe up to the knees (thank you spirit friends!), occasionally getting the odd wave bringing it up to wet my belly!