Today’s where I am at…

Just did a round tuit and added all the old blogs from elsewhere (now have to figure out how to delete those … later)

Read slightly my where I am at post from 2011.

(here, if you are interested!)

Still working on my motivation – recently I went to a week long course/assistance group with Jesus, working on exactly that.

Notes from that week:

Nuggets I got from that is to work on my mistrust and fear of people. This blocks me from relationships with others and with God (God loves all her children, so if I don’t love any one of her children, I am not in alignment with God).

Take actions and measure the results – learn from them.

Experiment with my thoughts for a week and determine if good or bad spirits are talking to me (good = loving, bad = unloving).

I am rebelling! Very last thing Jesus said to me before I left… rebelling against God’s laws and against human laws… where has that got me? (In a world of pain on all levels)

Take a long hard honest truthful look at myself. Daily. Pray for help in building the desire for truth. To feel. Love. Do a life review. My responses and feelings about everything.

My suppression will kill me, unless I stop/change. I utterly reject truth, I deny it, I don’t want to know at all.
I don’t want to pay back the money I owe (take responsibility for my actions, stop blaming others). I want to blame others and not own my part in it. When my part in this is the greatest of anyones. I need to stop sinning and to release that (desire to) sin.

I am trying to earn God’s Love. Jesus’ love. everyone’s love.

The MAJORITY of my pain comes from my PERSONAL choice.

(start doing mindfulness 4 times a day again – this I believe will help me stop suppressing everything. Also read that book on child… can’t remember the name (Healing the inner child?) – I will look at it – Mary recommended in, and Maria did too independently)

The way to get control of my life is to start reducing my pain! I can start feeling better the very same day. Be willing to surrender – stop fighting emotions and pain. Allowing the surrender, allowing myself to be humble (feeling like tearing up just by reading this). Things will then go much better for me.

I am averse to even discovering pain.

weight = rage – stop being busy, make the time to fix this. Rage = busy?

Choosing to prevent pain is choosing to prevent any healing. I have got to be prepared to feel pain if I want to progress.

Suppression of pain leads to terminal conditions.

I need to experience pain (pronto) my (eternal) life depends on it!